Today there was a tornado near where my Aunt Jane and Uncle Bob live in Missouri. I was worried for their safety but also realized that if anyone was going to come through a tough situation, it would be my Aunt Jane. It gave me time to turn over in my mind one of my fondest memories of her...
I believe I was in the 8th or 9th grade when I was informed that my spring break was to be spent in a car traveling the midwest with my Aunt Jane and my Mom. Don't get me wrong, I love both of these gals dearly, but this was not exactly the bitchin' spring break that I had envisioned. But since I was a captive audience, I was along for the ride.
My Mom and I flew out to Kansas City and were met by family at the airport. We drove to Jane and Bob's house in Sedalia before setting out on our grand adventure. I must explain that Jane is one cool cat. She has a wicked sense of humor, always has a camera at the ready, and often carries Liva-Snaps in her bra in case she comes across a dog that needs a treat. She is a hoot. She also often cusses like a sailor- something I find quite endearing and I'm pretty sure I inherited from her and not my sweet Mom.
We headed out in their Taurus that was packed well beyond reason. We had enough food and Diet Coke (another vice I seem to have inherited from Jane) that we could have been mistaken for a distributor vehicle. I was wedged in the back seat among all of the various foods and clothing. We tooled along the highways of Missouri, Kansas, and Iowa singing along to Jimmy Buffett and swilling diet soda. We stopped at any store we felt like checking out. I saw the place where my Nana was born. I saw the places where my Great Aunts had lived and died. I had the chance to form a connection with that beautiful black-soiled land that I had never felt before and that I carry in heart to this very day.
We were cruising along the highway, swapping stories and laughing maniacally when I notice flashing blue lights behind us. Jane pulls over and the officer approaches the vehicle. She gets the usual routine, license and registration, et cetera. She hands them to the officer and she apologizes profusely. I can't remember if she actually got a ticket or not, but still we are allowed to carry on our merry way. Apparently it was a warning unheeded as a few hours later, as we were belting out, "Why Don't We Get Drunk (and screw)," we are pulled over again. This time when the officer asks for her license and registration, Jane can't find her license from the last time she was pulled over. She looks at my Mom and says, "Gail, I can't remember where I put my license when I wrote that last check (wink,wink)." My Mom, who is every bit the honest Abe, looked at her and said, "What check?" Jane winked even more emphatically and repeated herself at which point the officer says, "Lady, do you even have a license?" Jane tells him that of course, she does, she just can't find it. I think that poor officer was afraid that she was going to tear apart that car until she found it. That apparently wasn't a hill he was prepared to charge and he let us go. Jane revs up the Taurus and we take to the road once more and she looks at my Mom and says, "Well I sure as hell am glad he didn't search the car. I have a loaded pistol under the seat and I'm not sure it's registered." I don't think I have ever been more shocked or laughed so hard in my life.
Thank God I don't come from a line of boring women and I sincerely thank God Jane and Bob are safe in their home tonight. Even that twister knew you don't mess around with Jane.
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